My ankles. Or should I say kankles.

They are terrible.
Apparently I am having pain caused by a nerve in my back. It seriously makes me hurt from my tail bone and down my entire right leg. My right ankle is sore and swollen 24/7 and then the fact that both of my ankles swell up like softballs by the end of everyday sucks too. I need a wheelchair and bed rest and to get paid for sleeping.
I am almost 23 weeks now. Gosh time is flying by so fast. Like way too fast. I feel like I need more time prepare myself and to buy things for my son. He won’t want for anything when he is finally here… I just need time to slow it down a few notches.
I have gotten to the stage where I am constipated all of the time. It sucks too.
I’m still barely showing and it’s strange I guess because a lot of people in my town are pregnant right now and are huge and not as far along as I am.
Oh well. I call this a blessing and not a curse lol.
I pee on my self every day when I get out of bed. For some reason when I stand up my bladder thinks it’s time to open the gates before I can make it to the bathroom. It’s pitiful. I have seriously thought about sleeping in adult pull ups lmao.
Anyway…. I hope that everyone out there expecting a beautiful and precious baby is doing okay. I know you won’t be tip top and wonderful because I know that having a baby unleashes stress and worries and a lot of other things that can scare you… But at the end of the day I always tell myself that my baby is perfectly healthy, I am perfectly healthy, he is kicking, he is safe, and we will be okay. Seriously. I have been through pure emotional hell caused by others in my life during this pregnancy and the only reason why I haven’t just given up on everything is my baby. I have completely ditched my life and my needs, I found my reason for exisiting and that reason is to have my little boy and to give him an amazing life.
Goodnight or good morning…. Wherever you are.

“You’re glowing” is the worst lie I have ever heard.

Obviously people who tell you that your skin is glowing and that you just look so gorgeous pregnant are stupid.
My skin is about to fall off if I don’t rip it off myself first. It stays dry no matter what I do, it feels like an alligators ass, my face looks chubby (not beautiful), and not to mention I look like I’m walking around homeless because I’d rather sleep than fix my hair and makeup.
I’m sure I’m not the only one that doesn’t understand this expression.
Oohhh and when people say they love being pregnant. I think you’re weird. That’s all for now. I gotta get back to work!

I live and breathe for my little baby.

He is seriously the cutest. I had an ultrasound today and got the front and side profile of his face… He looks exactly like me. So he’s 100% for sure going to be cute because I’m the cutest thing since newborn puppies. Jk. Lol

Well that’s all for now. I finally got a bottle of black nail polish and the matte finish to go on it so I have to make my nails awesome. ✌

Just a few words…

I don’t have much to say right now other than this….

I feel my little baby move all of the time now. I can feel him kicking and moving from the inside and sometimes on the outside if I can catch him in the act (he stops moving when I put my hands where he’s kicking). The feelings that come over me when I feel him there are unreal. I fall more and more in love each time and I can’t help but to smile soooooo big every time I feel him. He is my heart and soul.

This girl was asked how much she loved being a mom. Her answer may shock you!

I love this.
I hate it when people pretend like everything is so easy and perfect when they know it isn’t.
I have a feeling that I will be the exact same way as this new mom.

Mandatory sobriety

Oh, hi.

I was gone for a minute, but that’s because I was busy having–and subsequently, trying not to kill–a baby.

This adorable, healthy little fart factory was born six days late at 7:30pm on November 27th by emergency c-section.

Introducing Liam Colin This fart factory is also named Liam.

It’s been three weeks since Chunker (as I like to damagingly call him) was untimely ripped from my womb, and I am just now finding the time to write about it. I’ve started–and then abruptly stopped–this entry so many times, mostly due to the following:

  • abject laziness
  • savage abdominal pain due to major surgery
  • a once-every-three-hour feeding schedule
  • bloodcurdling infant screams
  • fecal explosions
  • painful nipples
  • leaking nipples
  • urine trickling out of the back of a diaper and onto my lap
  • sour milk spit-ups
  • not showering
  • taking a moment to neglect my two cats
  • tears (mine)
  • shovelling food into my mouth whilst hovering over the sink
  • resisting the urge to throat punch every person who insists that breastfeeding is…

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I haven’t posted in a while!!

So much has been going on in my life. Got a new job, DUMPED my unborn child’s father, Christmas stuff, all that.

On the first subject: the dumping of my unborn child’s father.
Here is why: I don’t take shit from ANYBODY.
I was cheated on with a girl who just had a baby and looks like drag queen and is engaged to her baby’s dad. What a slut really.
I was also cheated on with a redneck girl that he calls his “sister.” She is not his sister and they used those code names to fuck around with each other behind my back like I was stupid or something. She’s also pregnant. Nobody knows if her boyfriend is the dad or if my EX boyfriend is the dad.
Once again… Another SLUT.
He told me so many lies.
For instance: he has another son from a previous relationship. The mother only gives him visitation twice a week. He would lie to me and tell me that he had him on days and nights he actually didn’t have him (so he could screw the redneck girl) and take her out to dinner. One of my friends saw them out at a fucking restaurant together.
I seriously hate him. We used to be best friends, I loved him more than anything but damn if he thought I would stick around while he lied and cheated he had another thing coming.
I do not tolerate that bullshit. I will be a single mom.
I don’t even want him around my baby now. He’s a dishonest person, fucking scum under my shoe.
When I told him I didn’t want him in my baby’s life.. You know what he said? “Ok Idc”
Like really? You don’t care? Wtf.
It’s whatever. I am OVER IT. My baby deserves WAY BETTER than that trash bag asshole.

On another note: I’m 18 weeks now. I can feel him kicking. And then every time I try to feel it from the outside, he stops moving. Lol I can’t wait until my next ultrasound. I love getting to see him!

And I have acid reflux so freaking bad.
I have puke in my mouth at all times. It’s gross. And it tastes disgusting.

Moral of the story:
Don’t take any shit from a man… Even if it means you’ll be a single mom. Women are some tough bitches that can handle ANYTHING life throws at them. Don’t ever feel like you “need” a man. Because you don’t. Been there, felt that, realized I was wrong and didn’t need anyone but myself, God, and my family/friends.
The other moral of the story is to stop eating pizza rolls, because they are the main source of acid reflux I swear. Lol

Hungry at 1a.m.

So I have laid here in bed for like 5 hours trying to fall asleep but hungry at the same time. I didn’t know what I wanted so I didn’t want to waste my time walking up stairs just yet.
Finally it hit me.
When I was crawling back into bed with my plate my boyfriend says what’d you get to eat? (Like he wanted some or something)
I said Pickles, Cheese and a Chocolate Chip Cookie.
He seriously laughed at me.
I asked if he wanted some and he was like uhhhmmmm no I’m good.
And immediately started snoring again.
I do not know how he is sleeping over there right now with my phone light on, me tossing and turning around, getting up/ laying back down, but bless his heart… He is doing it somehow.

Ooooh and I don’t think that I have mentioned how much I LOVE EBAY. Seriously. It’s so cheap! You can find baby clothes brand new or that look brand new for dirt cheap. I have been burning up some baby Ralph Lauren. Take a look for yourself and save some money all while dressing your little baby like your wallet is as fat as your pregnant boobs. Love ebay. Just saying.

I hate getting paid at 1a.m.
I’ll be up until 5 shopping online because I have an addiction to it.
And I have a new obsession with wanting my kid to look like a magazine model baby when he is born.
At least I’m a bargain shopper.

I will never catch a freaking break.

Seriously the damn flu?
I got my flu shot and it ALWAYS works for me. But apparently the CDC gave out ineffective flu shots this year and now I have to suffer through this too.
I’m calling them after I write this and asking what dafuq I was injected with because it obviously wasn’t a flu shot that works and if it harms my baby I will go to extremes, to the point where everyone in America and the countries of planet earth know that somebody some where messed up. Anyway, I have to get some more sleep and go to the doctor yet again this afternoon.
The next person that brings an illness around me will be punched in the face repeditively. I am angry and I don’t feel good and I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
On another note… I am 16 weeks today and my little baby is starting to hear my voice as I talk or sing. He is also gaining weight really quickly now. He has to fatten up to match his mommys legs and ankles lol. I am going to have it rough apparently… That’s what everyone says…. I already have swollen legs and ankles and feet, I already get into that nesting stage, and there’s a few more things I can’t remember off the top of my head. I miss my boyfriend. Our work schedules are the complete opposite and it SUCKS.
I need a pedicure and a massage.
That’s all.

I wish I lived at walmart.

I want a bed in walmart. Like my own little apartment. Only while I’m pregnant. There’s spagettios. I need spagettios right now and nobody understands. I need hot wings with ranch. I need nachos lunchables. I need all of their lemon water. I need their fresh fruit and their cabbage. I need all of the chicken nuggets and all of the stoffers (not sure how to spell that brand) lasagna. God that just sounds amazing. Oh man. I just need to live there for a while.
I have already eaten two burritos for a midnight meal… But I just want more food. I could cook one hell of a Super Bowl party food themed feast right now.

For anyone that is just plain scared of having a baby and being pregnant with one.

If there is anyone out there that got pregnant (did not mean to or want to) and is scared, worried, or just doesn’t know how to handle it… This is a little bit of inspiration for you.

I am 21 years old. Will be 22 on Dec. 15th… Just a few short days. I love beer and tequila and love to party. Now take that last sentence and repeat it as past tense because I gave that up immediately when I found out I was pregnant. It is still so unreal to me, you have no idea. I never ever wanted to have kids. Never thought I would have kids. Hell I didn’t even think I could have kids. But it happened.
Anyway… Today was my second ultra sound. It lasted for such a long time. I am now 15 and a half weeks pregnant and paid the extra 50$ to find out what I am having early at my Drs Office. During my ultra sound I saw how my little tiny baby had gone from the blob on the screen to actually looking like a little baby. I saw his little arms moving, his little legs kicking, his hands waving and his fingers moving and oh my gosh… The rush of emotion that went over me was unreal. I felt love, joy, happiness, I really just don’t even know how to describe it. Every doubt, worry and concern I have stressed over every single day is so small and irrelevant now. When she finally got to see what he was (girl or boy), he kept doing flips all over the place and finally we found that he was a little baby boy. I can’t express in words how excited i am. The closest example I can use is that feeling you got as a kid when you knew you were leaving for family vacation the next day… That can’t sleep, won’t sleep, can’t wait, won’t wait, wanna scream, screaming kind of love and excitement. And multiply that by infinity. That is how I feel. I’m in love.
So it’s okay to be scared every day and all of that… But the moment you fall in love with your baby is the moment you stop being scared. In that moment everything in your mind will change for the better. I’m so glad I finally had my moment. Maybe some people get their moments sooner or later but I feel like mine came at the perfect time.